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  Kira started pacing around their little corner, trying to make sense of everything. She was sure Luke and Tristan and his crowd all knew something she didn’t. They were all keeping the same secret from her. When would she realize it? When would she finally connect the dots and stop feeling like the baby that everyone had to coddle?

  "I just can’t be the one to tell you, to see you look at me with hatred, because you will hate me." Pain passed over Tristan’s face and he winced.

  "Look, Tristan, I get the whole self-loathing thing you have going on. I can see that you’re troubled somehow by the way you retreat into your thoughts and lose track of the world. But don’t presume to know my mind. You have no idea how I will react to anything. Everyone has some sort of past to hide. The fact that yours may be darker than most doesn’t scare me. It makes me want to help you, not hate you." She practically spat those last few words, frustration at an all time high.

  He stood, and she knew his anger had mounted with her little speech. "Kira, you just don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not my past that you will hate me for, but today. Today, I let myself believe we lived in a different time, and when I saw you standing at the park, I couldn’t help but be glad we could finally be alone together. But today, I let you feel for me and let my walls come down for an instant, and that is what you will hate me for, for the moments of intimacy that I will cherish but you will look back on and loathe."

  Kira hadn’t realized the fight had brought them face to face and mere inches apart. Like people say, anger is just one small step from passion, so when she spoke, she hardly realized what she would say until she said it. "Well, if it’s intimacy with you that I’ll come to hate, I might as well enjoy it while it lasts."

  Kira took one small step forward and their bodies melted into one another’s. Quickly, his hands cupped her cheeks and his lips were on hers. She reached her hands around Tristan’s back to pull him closer. Heat rushed through her body and she moved with Tristan as he pushed her back against the wall, encasing her body within his, pulling his arms around her waist. Her hands found their way to his head and she grasped his thick black hair, running her fingers through it. His lips moved from her lips, down past her ear to the base of her neck.

  "Kira," Tristan sighed. But then his body stiffened and he pulled away. "I have to go," he said with a firmer voice.

  Tristan turned away from her and left, disappearing before Kira even had time to react to what had just happened. Instead, she sank down the wall she had just been pressed against, gazed at the empty spot Tristan had filled moments ago, and began to cry.

  Kira needed to understand whatever was going on. The frustration of not knowing was driving her crazy. Luke didn’t want her spending time with Tristan, and even Tristan didn’t want her spending time with Tristan, so she decided there was only one thing to do—spend more time around Tristan. He was the key to finding out her role in everything, and she knew he wanted to be close to her even if another part of him fought that feeling. Watching him run away had just made Kira even more determined to solve this mystery revolving around her, even if she would come to regret losing this ignorance.

  Kira stood up and wiped her face free of tears. She looked out at the sun setting over Charleston and knew it was time to leave the church and what had happened there behind for a little while.

  She grabbed her bag, which she had set down on the bench, and noticed that Tristan had dropped his notebook on the way out. She leaned down under the bench and slid the notebook from its hiding place in the dark. In place of a novel, she knew what she would be looking at before bed tonight.

  After finding her way through the bells and back down the steps, Kira searched for that janitor’s staircase Tristan had mentioned. She walked in the dark around the circular steps three times before finally finding a small knob beautifully free of cobwebs and dirt, and slowly opened the door. This path led right down to the front lobby of the church, and Kira silently cursed Tristan as she placed her foot on each superbly polished step. She quickly walked through the lobby and out the door, thankful no one was there to see her sneaking out. After a bit more walking, Kira finally managed to find her car. When she got home, her parents were not pleased.

  "Where have you been all day? I was worried sick." Her mother barraged her as soon as she opened the front door. Her father stood in the background nodding his head and giving her a stern look. "I expected you to come home hours ago. Isn’t this why we bought you a phone, so you could call us if you were running late? You don’t understand what can happen to a young girl out alone at night."

  Kira rolled her eyes and appeased her mother by listening to the lecture that began. She’d lived in New York, Kira thought, she understood the dangers of being alone in an unfamiliar place. She didn’t bother to mention she had been abandoned by her tour guide after he ditched her in the church steeple they had broken into, which was why she had trouble finding her car.

  Eventually, her mother cooled down and started breathing again. After which, Kira quickly said goodnight, made her exit, and snuck into her sister's room to kiss her sleeping forehead. When she made it to her own room, Kira breathed a sigh of relief that her father had remained silent because he usually asked all the questions she didn’t want to give answers to. He was very good at reading people and almost always knew when she was hiding something.

  After a shower and some chocolates from her secret candy stash, Kira settled into bed and turned on her reading lamp. She gently eased Tristan’s notebook open, and looked over the drawings she had gazed at earlier that day.

  Again, Kira noticed the expressions he was able to convey, and she tried to think on why he chose those people on the benches in those three drawings that truly caught her eye. A homeless man? Had Tristan been homeless, or did he just sympathize with a man who had lost everything? An older woman? He could have a grandmother he missed, or old women could remind him of the age his mother should be. Kira thought back to his question. Did she believe he could have been alive during the war? Could he sympathize with the old because he would never be there? And what of the young couple in love? Was that why he pulled away? He was jealous of those in love because he believed he was not deserving of it?

  Kira sighed. All she had were questions. Ever since she moved back to Charleston, everything about her life had become questions with no answers. She flipped past the bench drawings, past some blank pages, and tried to see if he drew anything else in that book she hadn’t seen.

  After skipping through fifty blank pages, Kira was about ready to give up and go to bed when she turned one more page, and her own face was staring back at her. Her hair took up most of the small piece of paper, and within the mass of curls was the most perfect drawing of herself she had ever seen. The fire in her eyes sparkled. She was smiling in a laugh, and even her freckles were in the right location. Kira looked alive in the picture—and happy. Beyond all the minute details he drew to perfection, her emotion ran off the page. She looked like the sun radiating warmth to the viewer. Was this a drawing of how he pictured her? Kira never thought she had looked so happy or pretty in her life, but maybe Tristan had thought so.

  Kira turned to the next page and saw a close-up of her eyes, turned again and it was her lips. One more turn and she saw herself standing by the wharf staring out at Fort Sumter with a breeze in her hair and her skirt flowing in the wind. Kira realized that he must have been observing her for a little while today before he finally snuck up on her to say hello. Why was he so afraid to talk to her? Everyone in school was intimidated by his good looks and standoffish attitude, by his dark slacks and typical black T-shirt, and by his friends. He was a bonafide bad boy. Every girl secretly loved it and every boy was secretly jealous of it, but Kira was starting to realize that it wasn’t who he was at all. What bad boy secretly draws pictures of old ladies and young couples? Tristan was more of a tortured artist than anything else.

  She sighed and turned the page again, but the blank
paper returned. There were only four secret pages devoted to her, and Kira tore each one out before dropping the small notebook back into her bag to give to Tristan at school. She wanted him to know she had discovered his secret and that she wasn’t going down without a fight.

  Chapter Five

  "Hello, gorgeous." Luke sat down next to Kira in the cafeteria with his typical greeting. "Where were you this weekend? I didn’t get a single phone call. Don’t tell me you have a new best friend that you’re sneaking around with." He looked at her with pouted puppy eyes.

  "You know, now that I think of it, I do have a new best friend. It’s called my Civil War term paper." She rolled her eyes and shoved her notebook full of ideas at him.

  "Kira, Kira, Kira. When will you learn? Term papers are to be completed during the last week of the term, not two months before it’s over." He opened her notebook and skimmed some of her notes. "But let me know when you decide what to do cause I will definitely steal one of these discarded theses."

  Kira grabbed her research back from him quickly. "We’ll see," she said slyly, making a joke but knowing full well she would help him out if he actually needed it.

  "Hi y’all." Emma waved while Dave carried both of their lunch trays over. Kira assumed the fuchsia dress Emma wore was new, and that Dave had been forced to play the chivalrous boyfriend. From the back of the cafeteria, Kira could barely see Miles walking over behind the mound of books he held in his arms. In fact, all that she saw were the black rims of his glasses pressed against his forehead.

  "How are you guys just sitting and laughing?" he said when he dropped what looked like twenty pounds worth of library books on the table. "Are you not at all worried about college?" Kira had noticed the fear of not getting into Harvard or another Ivy League school had made Miles go a tad insane.

  "Relax, man," Dave chimed in before slapping Miles on the back.

  "Yeah, seriously. Go buy some lunch and take a minute to chill out. The books will be here when you get back." Luke pushed Miles toward the lunch line. As soon as he was out of hearing distance, Luke turned to everyone else and said, "We should totally hide these."

  "Oh lord, leave him alone." Kira put her arms around the books and protectively pulled them over toward her, Emma, and Dave. Basically, as far from Luke as they could go. When Miles returned, he seemed calmer but still turned the conversation to college applications. Kira knew all of that was irrelevant for her and couldn’t help but let her eyes shift to gaze out the window. For the first time in a while, not a single one of the misfits was looking at her. In fact, Kira studied them for a few minutes and they seemed completely disinterested in everything going on inside of the school. She needed to grab Tristan when he was alone to confront him about what had happened and give him back his drawings, but how to get him away from his friends?

  "Earth to Kira. Come in, Kira." Luke waved his hand in front of her face. She snapped out of her thoughts and rejoined the conversation.

  "What? Sorry, I’ve had a lot going on."

  "Just asked what you would be up to next year."

  "Oh, a gap year to work in a restaurant hopefully, then I’ll be applying to culinary school, and I’ll be just as crazy as Miles is now." Miles finally cracked a smile at her statement and they continued lunch with ease.

  As she walked to English with Luke, Kira knew this would be her only chance to catch Tristan alone. But at the same time Mr. Bell walked through the door, Tristan came rushing in and sat down on the opposite side of the room. And when the class was over, Tristan ran out before Kira could even begin to stand and walk over to him.

  For the next two days, the same thing happened. Kira was always one step behind and couldn’t trap Tristan alone for the two minutes she needed to get her point across.

  On Wednesday, after her third try at chasing him down, Kira pulled Emma aside at the end of the day and sat down with her on one of the benches outside of the school.

  "So, I need to get some advice. Can I give you the short version of my weekend?" Kira asked once they’d settled.

  "Ooh, this sounds juicy," Emma said, and Kira noticed that she seemed very excited for some gossip to live vicariously through.

  "Okay, well, on Saturday I went to Charleston to start working on my history paper, just like I told you all in the cafeteria. What I didn’t mention was that I ran into Tristan. We snuck into a church steeple and ended up making out for a while." Kira finished quickly and let out the breath she had been holding. She peered at Emma carefully, hoping to see no judgment coming from her friend’s eyes.

  "Whoa, I was not expecting that. Way to go, Kira." Emma put her hand out for a discreet low-five, and Kira happily slapped her hand down. "Now back up, give me a little more detail, and tell me what the heck the problem is."

  "I basically ran into him early in the day, and then he said he would be my tour guide and show me all the Charleston hot spots. We ended up having a great time, and Tristan told me he wanted to show me his favorite place in the city, which happened to be the top of a church steeple, so we snuck up. We ended up talking, which turned into fighting, and fighting turned into kissing, and kissing turned into Tristan freaking out, running away and abandoning me in the church."

  Kira sighed and thought about how much to reveal about why Tristan ran away. She could tell Emma was trying to wait patiently, but her foot tapped against the sidewalk with enthusiasm at the new turn of events.

  "I’m not completely sure why he left," Kira continued, "but I think it has something to do with his friends. And now at school he’s avoiding me. I know I need to catch him alone, which is where you come in." She looked at Emma hopefully, needing a plan—and fast.

  "And the only class you have together is English, right?" Emma asked.

  Kira nodded.

  "With Luke?"

  Kira nodded again.

  Emma chewed her lip. "I’m going to need to do some thinking for a minute, a little scheming time."

  Now it was Kira’s turn to try to wait patiently while Emma sat with a furrowed brow and her chin resting on her hand. Kira looked out at the school parking lot, which had completely emptied during their conversation, and she was grateful to not have to worry about eavesdroppers. The last thing she needed was to be the talk of the school and to let her secret afternoon become public knowledge. Kira ran her sweaty palms down the length of her pants, trying to calm herself.

  "I have it." Emma’s entire face brightened as she turned to Kira with a gleam in her eye. Kira was instantly overjoyed to have Emma on her side, especially when she looked so mischievous. "Today, in my English class, we got into groups of two to read lines from Romeo and Juliet, something about how hearing it gives it more meaning or whatever. Anyway, you’ll only have about five or so minutes, but if you can trap Tristan and force him to be your partner it might give you the time you need."

  "Emma, you’re a genius!" Kira grabbed the girl’s shoulders, shaking them with glee. "I totally forgot when Mr. Bell made that announcement at the end of class."

  "Too distracted by your lover?" Emma asked with a teasing grin. Kira tried to laugh it off, but the caught-in-the-act look was all over her face. "Seriously though, I need some details. Was he a good kisser?"

  Kira had a quick flashback to being backed up against the wall in his arms. "Yes," she said while biting her lip to keep from smiling too widely.

  "Can I get some more details on that please? A little play-by-play maybe? I can promise you, every girl in the school wishes she was in my shoes right now, well more likely yours, but still."

  Kira laughed and started giving up some of the more intimate details about the romance of the location and how they were yelling one moment then caught up in it the next. Emma hung on her every word and sighed romantically at the appropriate moments. It was the perfect ten minutes to Kira, who had been thinking too many deep thoughts recently. She just wished she had thought to supply some chocolate or peanut butter. One thing was certain though, next time she needed to
watch romantic movies like The Notebook, Emma would definitely be the one to call. She needed another person besides her mother who could appreciate the “I want to cry because this is so heartbreakingly romantic” sort of movie.

  Eventually, Kira drove away from the school and found her way back home, just in time to make dinner. She sat her little sister on the counter as she prepared the chicken picatta and heard all about Chloe’s day with her imaginary friend Beth. Sometimes Kira wished she was still in those days of make-believe, but despite how nerve-racking the past few weeks had been, she knew she was on the verge of figuring it all out. She just needed a bit more patience.

  The next day, all Kira could think about was how to put her plan into action. She barely spoke to her friends at lunch and was silent during her walk to English with Luke. Just as they were about to turn into the classroom, she stopped moving.

  "Hey, Luke?" He turned when he heard her speak. "I forgot something in my locker. I’ll meet you inside."

  He nodded and continued into the classroom.

  She tried to walk at a normal pace, but quickly sped to her hiding spot and peered around the corner of a locker to keep a lookout on the classroom door. For a moment she was worried that Tristan would be the one to sneak up on her, but Kira soon saw Mr. Bell enter the classroom, and Tristan was close behind.

  After he disappeared inside, Kira made her way to the door, hoping that an open seat was left next to Tristan and that all of this planning wasn’t for nothing. Luke sat at the front of the classroom with an open seat next to him, and Tristan was two feet from her next to the other open seat. She flashed an apologetic look at Luke and sat down, trying to look guilty at being late instead of smug at having everything go smoothly.